Special People
Finding someone special is important to everyone in their lives. Recently, I had a fallout with some of my friends. When I initially met them, I always thought that I had the best set of friends and will cherish them forever but, fortunately or unfortunately, that was not the case. I always thought that in these friends I would be special to everyone as they were to me. I always strived to make a personal connection with every one of them, making them special in my life.
Why the need for special people? Why do I have this innate desire to find people with whom I connect? Sometimes I wonder this stems from my consumption of “feel good” TV shows, where tight knit friend circles are shown, and each character has an episode dedicated with another one in the friend group. I often derive inspiration from the content I consume, so it is definitely plausible that I am influenced by them to find people I can connect with. Such TV shows also show unbelievable chemistry between two special people in relationships, whose effect on me will be discussed in some other post, as the topic of lovers requires a lot of preface about me.
Such special people often have fallouts, even in the unrealistic TV shows. In the TV Shows, the characters make up and become good friends again but that is seldom the case in real life. Broken and scathed relations are often repaired with the passage of time always leaving a scar, but sometimes these relations are never mended and are lost to the universe forever. This happens usually when either of the people involved stop trying, and remove the notion of being special in each other’s lives.
Loosing my friend group feels terrible. My friends feel that they can simply ignore me to repair the wound but, the damage simply grows. I no longer think I can face them the way I would have two to three weeks ago. I often wish that one of them would have a word with me, and we could resolve our conflicts and allow time to heal, but the way they avoid me just increases the damage overtime. So much time has passed, I now feel that the damage is irreversible. Such times make me appreciate other special people in my life more. It cements my relation with the people standing by me during this painful time. I now hope that I can return this feeling back to them when they need me.
X——X
I am typing this from neovim, something I am trying to learn these days. I am also reading “Beautiful world, where are you” by Sally Roony. The book started of quite confusing, with the author jumping right into the lives of the characters, but they cleared everything up by the fourth chapter. I find the backstory of Eileen and Alice quite intruiging, I wish to have lived in Dublin and Paris. Let’s see where this story goes, looking forward to reading it!
I am really tired at the moment, so I shall continue this conversation sometime else. See you soon.
Ada.
