~fpants / March 8, 2020

Re: 2020 Q2 OKRs

Yes, I have something.
I’ve been thinking.
Instead of agreeing on these OKRs about
increasing user engagement three thousand percent
and repositioning our brand
for “Create a Sense of Wonder 3.0”,
how about we move to a cabin
beyond the deep forest
across a wide river
surrounded by a desert
on top of a mountain
protected by a moat
and make friends with a bear.
Or a badger.
And just live like that for a while,
and see what’s it like?
We could always come back here if we wanted,
take the elevator,
return to this conference room,
reschedule this video call
for whatever time is good for you.
Yes. Yes, it’s true,
if we left this whiteboard behind,
we’d have to learn how to
build a fire
fix a boiler
harness the sun for food and power —
and, of course, we’d each have to get
our own cabins,
on our own mountains —
for it to really work the way I imagined it.
But anyway.
Just an idea.
Let’s think about it.
I think there might be something to it.

~fpants / November 5, 2014


What if God is water —
He's gonna be pissed about how much
I just wasted zoning out in the shower.
What if God is a banana god
And He resents me for all the ones I've eaten
And all the ones I let rot.
What if God is meaner than Santa Claus
And turns our souls into something worse than coal.
What if God is a duck.
We could make all this into a book or a song,
A meeting, one day a week,
A celebration of doom, the last date in our calendars.
I don't have any evidence one way or another
But I do believe in the miracle of indoor plumbing —
A toilet that swooshes my badness into a hole
And out to the ocean.
And I have just enough faith
To fear all of this.